on last weekend, i spent it at my hostel because of my family things. And today, i finally back to home after 2 weeks time staying out from the home.
Home has warmed my heart again. seriously. I can feel it. Whenever I'm outside, I don't feel Love from anyone in my life. I thought it might be because I'm still single and nobody love me, but when i think deeply, I actually cant find a real love from my friends.
I feel very depress about this and i don't know why i will feel like this. Am i really desperate for it? i never thought i could feel so bad. It happened when i lost my love from my family gradually. Why do I say so? hmm.. I'm the youngest in the family, always get alot loves from anyone since i was born. whenever i feel pissed, ppl always come and humor me. But now, all my loves one have their life partner edi. besides, my mum start weak and i cant feel her spirit whenever i back home now. i feel very bad. i wish to go home, but the feeling of being is different edi. all of them busy with their things. no.2 with family, no.3 with jesus, no.4 with bf. and me? who am i going to be with? ..... tear rolling out....
so, i think of friends. ppl ask me, do u have a real good friends that you can talk with? maybe there is, but not around me. my uni friends? sorry, i feel that they not that like me anymore. feeling being left out all d time and information never get updated. I become more sensitive after staying alone in a new hostel. no one is caring me here and no one i could really talk and hang out with. When the blue day come, i dunno what can i do and how to deal with it. it's such a pathetic life.
so, friday is selangor public holiday, sis come n pick me up and went to midvalley shopping. have lunch with here and she treat me eat. i start pouring all my woe to her, and almost my tears drop out at the restaurant. argh.. i guess when ppl get older, tears always very easy fall? or did i really very sad n down recently?
listening my edifier speaker.. i feel very warm sitting in my room with aircond. This morning went to watch movie with my sister on her treat. very enjoyable and lovely. she told me this month she spend almost 2k on those girl stuff. off course, those branded cloths, cosmetic, hair mask products, hand cream , bra.. lol.. i really shocked when she told me she spend rm400+ for 3 bra. XD
to reward myself, i bought a better slipper since i need to walk alot from the new hostel to my faculty. thanks to my god mum giving me money to spend. i'm a lazy kids to go work. XD
aih.. i really scare back to hostel again, back to a place that i was not recognize and being hated. feel really scare and stress. not the homework, but my relationship with family and friends. I know i should have try my best to adept the change,but i cant. One day, my family will left me alone in this world. I really afraid this day will come.. but i wont regret anything.. because all this while, i have been sacrifice alot and appreciating the moment with my family. i know one day something will change, but what can i do now is to appreciate the time being with them before time take away love from me.